many years, thousands actually, we have foraged and hunted for our food
to preserve our lives and our futures. The days of our times have
changed this mannerism slightly to include a hunt to your local
Wal-Mart to grab some groceries. Along the
journey you have to be weary of the bright and loud masta-cop that
obviously has evolved into something that shouldn’t be eaten. I’ve
heard the soft, yet very spicy, inside of this semi-rare (not rare
enough) beast of the field but I think I’ll stick with the items that
don’t move quickly or at all. The bad thing
about these specific beasts is that they get REALLY loud and in your
face if you move to fast on our fortified trails of today – apparently
110 mph isn’t something they consider normal – but that is another
story. Now, once you have found this trading post, this jungle of the retail nation you may notice some of the wildlife there. Keep
an eye open for the saber tooth walrus as well as the stack-climber
monkeys that live in the foliage isles of that retail-jungle. It is
thanks to modern advancements such as the perishable gatherer (also
known as a shopping cart) that we don’t have to make such large groups
to gather the sustenance to prolong our lives. Back in the day we had
to bring weapons, take down a huge mastodon (a mastodon will NOT take
you down for moving too quickly – that is the masta-cop’s m.o. but they
will flatten you for being too circumflex) or maybe some mountain goat
and we have kept advancing further and further as time has gone on.
Now we have the most advanced from of hunting yet!
The shopping cart. Yes, I already mentioned it… but here we will highlight some of the more adventurous foragers… the shopping cart riders.
Luckily this jungle supplies your kill-method (grab and stash) or I
might be left to my creative vices… putting the food in my pants.
^_^ Okay, not sanitary, but efficient.
Here’s where my most recently problem made itself known and the reason for this PSA.
When you are foraging, you make come across something like this in the
metal shrouded isles of this Wal-Mart jungle or similar jungle in your
area. Well, the girl might not be there, and it might still be in its original sanitarily packaged shipping pieces. There
isn’t too much of a need to be careful when you are using the item in
its normal housing, save the care that make sure you don’t have a paper
cut or something aweful like that. Once this item has entered the fire pit, grill, stove, or your very own George Foreman Grill
you generally want to cook this item for about 5 to 7 minutes or if you
are the crispy kind of kid, then you can cook to your desired length of
time. Now that your food item is ready for consumption, this is when it is in its most dangerous stage. Yes, this violent little snack of ground up who knows what with cheese in the middle is a risk waiting to happen. Unbenounced
to you, the cheese in the middle has heated up and in addition to its
meaty exterior has become like a little grenade waiting to explore. If
you were to put this hot dog on its appropriated bun and to take
fulfilling bite you could very well burn your lip, tongue, cheeks, and
very well mouth and on down… if you eat like my brother, maybe your
So – be careful and make sure this doesn’t happen to you. It only requires a fork. Stab
the son of a bitch in its core and let the cheese (I know this is like
the liquid gold of this equation… but you’ll survive, it’s only like
10% of the total amount) flow out and cool off. That
is the important part anyway is the cool off part and is most commonly
missed by the male Neanderthal species and its later descendants.